Feminist
sex worker rights advocate Audacia
Ray is part of a burgeoning movement of young women
(and some men) looking to reclaim words like hooker, prostitute,
and whore that were formerly used as epithets. She proudly
takes off her clothes to reveal her ringlets of brown hair,
glasses . . . and often not much else. But this naked girl
uses her brain as much as her bod, whether it's working
as Executive Editor of $pread
magazine, reviewing porn sites for Sugarclick.com,
getting her master's degree, or blogging at WakingVixen.com.
She's also modeled—nude, in mud, in boxing gloves,
in paint and on the New York City subway—for a host of alt
porn sites, earning her the ranking of Fleshbot's
#3 Hottie of the Year for 2005.
On
top of her already full plate, she's curating an exhibit
of sex worker art debuting this Wednesday called Sex
Worker Visions, helping to organize the conference
Sex Work Matters: Beyond
Divides, and booking local sex bloggers for next week's
Perverts
Saloon. The silicone-free model, writer, organizer
and activist emailed Gothamist about studying sexuality
in Amsterdam, why she loves getting naked for her favorite
photographers, running a magazine, being taken seriously
as a sex worker and academic, and what makes for good porn.
Audacia
Ray is not your given name—can you tell me how you came
up with it, and how being "Audacia Ray" is different for
you than who you were before you took on this persona?
A number of years ago, while doing research on the nineteenth
century and the history of sexuality, I came across and
fell in love with Victoria Woodhull. She was the first female
stockbroker in New York, practiced free love, published
a newspaper and ran for president in 1872. She created a
good amount of scandal in late nineteenth century New York
just being herself, and Harriet Beecher Stowe (yes, author
of Uncle Tom ) wrote a serialized story about a
slutty loudmouthed character who was a thinly veiled version
of Woodhull, and her name was Audacia Dangyereyees.
I
chose “Ray” as my last name as another bit of homage, but
this time to the surrealist artist Man Ray. My tattoo is
inspired by Ray's photograph “Le
violin d'Ingres,” so I thought that would be fitting.
I like homage, because it gives me a chance to show my respect
(and over-demonstrate my fierce nerdiness) but I also take
these things and make them mine.
How'd
you get involved in the professional sex world, and how
has your perspective on the field changed during that time?
I studied gender and sexuality in college and throughout
that time my roommate photographed me naked, and it became
a pretty normal part of my life. Eventually it progressed
to her photographing my boyfriend and I fucking, and we
started to talk about putting a porn site together. At the
time I had also been working in the pants-on world of sex—I
was head researcher and then assistant curator of the Museum
of Sex for two years as the museum was just getting going.
From there it was the proverbial slippery slope: after leaving
MoSex I started doing public relations for a small porn
company called RedLight TV, teaching HIV prevention workshops
through the Gay Men's Health Crisis, doing fetish sessions
and sensual massage, and modeling more extensively.
Sexuality
has been a mess (mostly good) of the personal and professional
for me, and when I first dove in, I really dove in. I indulged
in as much of the sex world as I could and didn't have a
lot of limits, and didn't really understand what the big
deal was about limits anyway. These days I have a more controlled
view of what I want to be doing and exposing, partly because
I want to work in sex (though not necessarily naked) for
a long time, and I need to take care of myself instead of
burning out and saying yes to every interesting or sexy
thing that comes my way. I've been retired from doing private
session sex work for almost a year now, and though I still
model, I spend most of my professional time with my clothes
on. Well, usually in my pajamas looking at porn.
You're
part of Sam Sugar's new team of sex sites, reviewing porn
at Sugarclick.com.
What does Sugarclick offer that other porn review sites
don't, and what do you think goes into making good pornography?
The idea of SugarClick is to have fun-to-read reviews of
adult sites in a market that's polluted with choice and
has a dearth of quality. It's different from other porn
review sites because like many blogs we have open comments—so
if someone disagrees with what we say they can call us to
task right there in front of all the readers.
Good
pornography is all about chemistry between the performers,
and it is made by people who have a basic level of respect
for human sexuality, the people they're filming and the
consumers. This combination of things is painfully rare.
I've been really spoiled because my interactions within
the industry have been with people who are true visionaries
and love human sexuality—the vast majority of the porn industry
is not like that at all.
What
have been some of your favorite sites you've reviewed so
far, and where do you find sites to review?
My favorite site so far has been TwoBigMeanies.com,
which surprised me a bit since I typically am not that
into BDSM smut or BDSM in general. Two Big Meanies is really
fabulous because there is space for the performers to express
their sexualities, plus there is lots of personality and
checking in with the sub, something pretty rare in most
BDSM smut. Though porn reviewing can get kind of rote, the
best thing about it is that I watch stuff I wouldn't think
to watch on my own, so occasionally I see stuff that really
knocks my, er, socks off unexpectedly. Last year I went
through a spell of reviewing she-male videos, which I'd
never seen before I was assigned them, and now that's one
of my favorite things to see on screen.
You're
also in school. How do you juggle your academic life with
sex work, modeling and writing? Is that ever a conflict
for you or your colleagues, in terms of your openness about
how you make money?
I'm working towards a master's in American Studies at Columbia,
and I do work on gender and sexuality with a focus on identity
and health. I chose the humanities route over other options
because I'm really interested in the ways that culture and
sexuality affect one another, and I like the kind of free-wheeling
insanity of interdisciplinary study. While I'm not completely
closeted at school, I don't wear my sex industry street
cred on my sleeve either, and it isn't usually relevant
in my classes, though sometimes I do shoot my mouth off.
Speaking
of academia, you spent last July in Amsterdam studying sexuality.
What was the program and how did it expand your thinking
about sexuality and sex work?
The program was the Summer Institute in Sexuality, Culture
and Society at the University of Amsterdam. I outed myself
as a sex worker in the first round of introductions, mistakenly
thinking that it would be a non-issue among academics and
activists who specialize in sex. It turned out that everyone
was really fascinated by having an actual specimen in their
midst, and it was kind of creepy that everyone was interested
in that one thing about me, and much less interested in
the whole activist/grad student/HIV educator bit.
You've
modeled nude for alternative sites like CityKittie.com,
BellaVendetta.com,
OnlyPaperDolls.com,
and NoFauxxx.com
and can be seen having sex onscreen in Benny Profane's
upcoming porn flick Psychocandy 4. Firstly, how
do you decide which modeling/porn jobs to take, and does
the fact that these are all in the world of alternative/indie
smut matter to you?
Pay rates are much lower in the alt porn genre than when
you model for bigger porn sites or for a content producer
who sells your images to someone else, but one of the big
reasons I've stuck mostly to the alt stuff is that the companies
typically have better business practices, and if you work
for an alt site you probably aren't going to see your image
coupled with the words “skanky ass whore.” Though there
has been some upheaval in the alt porn world lately with
the drama at SuicideGirls and the transition many people
are making into DVD, alt porn is very close to my heart,
and I definitely prioritize those jobs over other ones,
though I have also had some fun fetish shoots (feet, sleeping,
and catfight videos). I am starting to shoot more with art
photographers and I'm doing more intensely engaged shoots—shoots
that aren't explicit, but are more about digging into something
deeper than skin-level sexiness.
About
modeling, you've said, "The more a photographer pushes me
to make sexy faces, the more ridiculous, out of touch with
myself, and shy I get about it." You've written on your
site that you like to mostly "be" yourself during your shoots,
and you always wear your glasses, whereas I'd imagine that
a lot of models like the dressup/acting aspect—they can
do things they might not normally do "as" themselves. Why
is being as close to your own everyday self, but naked/in
sexy attire, important to you when you model?
First of all, I'm a really shitty actress, and if a photographer
is annoying or making demands like “get sexy!” I'll probably
look pissed in the pictures. I like a photographer who gets
me laughing and encourages me to relax into my natural gestures—I
want to tap into sexiness without artifice. That said, sometimes
outrageous poses and situations are awesome too. I just
general prefer it when the photographer tries to know me
as a person a bit, because I think it makes for much better
photographs. I also think that a lot of sexy pictures are
full of artifice and putting-on of sexiness, which is kind
of silly—I'd rather try to bring out my natural sexuality.
I know that sounds all hippy dippy, and maybe it is. While
I do really dig pictures that bring something out in me,
like I said before I'm a shitty actress, so I'm not good
at being anyone other than myself.
You
also prefer location shots rather than studios, and have
shot everywhere from next to a waterfall to in an abandoned
tractor trailor. Can you elaborate, and tell me about the
most fun you've had during a shoot (if you want to give
us the dish on rolling around in the mud, that'd be fun
too).
Some of my most creative photo shoots have been with Brian
Rawson, though usually by the end of a shoot with him,
I'm cold and naked in an abandoned building or the woods
somewhere and I hate him and hate modeling. It's not always
fun, and he pushes hard for good shots, but we also laugh
a lot and fuck shit up. One time we shot me as a robot in
an abandoned building—I wore the shell of a computer monitor
on my head, various scraps of metal and tubes attached to
my body and six inch stilettos.
When
it started to get warm last spring we did a shoot that involved
me rolling around naked in mud, so we lugged 6 gallons of
water and a shovel out into the woods, he dug a hole and
I got naked. What we didn't realize was that we weren't
really in a super secluded area of the woods, and we kept
seeing people peering through the trees at us, but no one
complained. Also the whole area was really dry and a bunch
of small brush fires kept popping up, so he'd go and stomp
out the fires while I sat naked in my mud hole.
I've
also really enjoyed shooting with Bob Coulter and George
Pitts, two photographers with vastly different shooting
styles. Bob shoots fast and loose and kept calling me “bitch”
under his breath—I think he was kidding. George is very
meticulous, and just sits in a chair and talks to me until
he sees a gesture he wants to capture.
You
took some shots pantsless on the E train and have flashed
your bod in other parts of New York City. Has anyone ever
caught you posing nude or have you had any close calls with
the cops?
The naked on the streets thing is something that has amused
me and photographer Logan
Grendel (who took the subway shots, as well as street
shots and me naked on a Manhattan rooftop in daylight) greatly.
We never had problems with cops, but the rooftop shoot was
fun because people in office buildings all around got a
good show, and Logan and I got to laugh about how our jobs
are much more awesome than the onlookers' jobs. It's pretty
amazing how much you can get away with in this city. When
we did our street and subway shoot, some people would stop
and gawk (we had a few cabs screech to a halt and back up
quickly) but LOTS of others walked right by and didn't even
see us because they were doing their own thing.
In
your
OnlyPaperDolls profile, you're wearing a t-shirt that
says "silicone free." Do you feel pressure to get implants
or to alter your body, and do you feel like it's a political
statement to pose nude with your natural boobs?
I actually took that picture of myself the day before I
flew to LA to shoot my hardcore scene for Profane
Pirate —on their site they comment that I have “fabulous
New York boobs.” I wouldn't go so far as to say that being
natural and getting naked on camera is a political statement
though. I don't at all feel pressure to surgically alter
my body—but a lot of that is because I'm in New York, I
don't model anywhere near full time, and I don't have any
delusions that I could have a supermodel body. Hell, I'm
too lazy to work out, and my diet consists largely of ham
sandwiches and whiskey.
I've
only done a few nude photo shoots, and only twice for money,
and while personally I (mostly) find it fun and freeing
to expose myself, the main downside I've found is that then
some people only want to look at my photos, and don't necessarily
want to accept that I'm also a writer/thinker/person. Do
you find that other people condescend to you because of
the nude modeling and sex work, or do you think it's all
part of one unified message you're sending? What do you
say to people who admit they don't take you as seriously
because they can see you naked on your site?
What's interesting is that people have different points
of entry into my little world—some discover my writing first,
or my work with $pread, or my naked pictures,
and then they see (or don't see/understand) the rest of
it. Basically, if you stick around my site a while, you're
going to see naked pictures and you're going to read psychobabble
and the people who dig it usually dig all of it, though
sometimes the people who dig my writing in a deep way write
to confess that they feel guilty also being turned on by
my pictures. I tell them not to be sorry, to enjoy it all.
That said, I have no problem with the idea that some people
see me as just a curvy bespectacled girl to wank to.
Either
people don't really condescend to me about getting naked
for money or I just don't listen when they do (the second
one is more likely). I see it as part of a unified message,
everything is connected in a complicated way so that I don't
feel like I'd be doing what I do were pieces of it missing.
You
said something very interesting in another interview, that
you're not shy about showing off your body but can be shy
in person. How does this play out for you and why do you
think you're less shy about having your photo taken than
talking to people at times—is it because they ask inappropriate
questions about things they happen to know about you?
There's definitely a difference between being an exhibitionist
and being comfortable socially. I feel bolder and more loquacious
when I'm naked, maybe because I don't have anything to hide
behind. As far as in-person interactions go, I'm actually
a big fan of inappropriate questions, that's probably a
guaranteed way to get me talking. In general I think my
shyness is a function of me very much being an observer—I
like to watch how people interact and listen to what they're
talking about. I also generally have little use for small
talk, so often I stay quiet until people get into heavier
conversations.
There's
been a lot of debate, both in the blogosphere and popular
culture, about what exactly “sex positive feminism” is and
whether that's an oxymoron. Can you elaborate on what the
term means to you?
Feminism, at base, is about creating a world where women
have choices and can be self-determined. Being a sex positive
feminist is just one way to do that—it's not an oxymoron,
just as it's not an oxymoron to be sexually conservative
feminist.
You're
the executive editor of $pread magazine, created
by and about sex workers. Can you tell me more about the
women behind $pread and what you're trying to
do with the magazine? How broadly do you define “sex work?”
The women behind $pread are all incredible people,
and we are a powerful team mainly through happenstance.
We went on a weekend long retreat in early January to talk
about our future plans for the magazine, and I think that's
when it settled in with us all that we're in this for the
long haul, and we're in it together. One of the other editors
recently commented in a meeting that this magazine has really
changed her life—and we all agreed on that. Whereas we were
initially a pretty business oriented group, we've all become
genuine friends—probably in no small part because we spend
so much damn time together, to the exclusion of other things
in our lives.
What
have you learned from working on $pread, and how
has it evolved in its first year of existence? What big
stories are in the latest issue?
Well, we've learned how to run a magazine—trial by fire.
I think we are all still surprised when people perceive
$pread as a “real” magazine, because we still
see ourselves as just a bunch of kids who thought this was
an awesome idea. Winning the Utne Reader Independent
Press Award for Best New Title of 2005 was really validating
for us—it made us feel like we're really being heard and
shaking things up.
You're
curating the art exhibition Sex Worker Visions,
which will feature art made by sex workers and/or about
sex workers. What can we expect to see there, and what's
the curating process been like? Is there a fundamental difference
between work by sex workers and non-sex workers?
Curating Sex Worker Visions has been pretty excellent
fun, because I love seeing the way artists and sex workers
represent the sex industry and express themselves visually.
In the exhibition, you'll see an enema painting made by
Joe Gallant and one of his starlets (yes, it is what you
think it is), a self portrait by former SuicideGirl and
illustrator Molly
Crabapple, intimate portraits of porn stars Seymour
Butts and Mari Possa by Paul
Sarkis, and collages by activist and former escort
Shane Luitjens. You'll also see a music video called “Whore
Power” by Scarlot Harlot as well as a rather intense video
by former streetwalker Anne Hanavan called “Paranoid.”
It
seems that non-sex workers who are sympathetic to the cause
of sex workers struggling for their rights and against stigmatization
are really keen on showing sex workers as whole, beautiful,
interesting and complex people. In their art, sex workers
are more expressive about the pain and conflicts that sex
work has created for them. I think the sympathetic non-sex
worker artists sometimes shy away from this kind of content
because they don't want to contribute to the negative cultural
attitudes about sex workers.
The
event is the prelude to the conference Sex Work Matters:
Beyond Divides, being held at The New School and CUNY,
which seeks to bridge the gap between the anti-trafficking
movement and “sex work as work” movement, in a nutshell.
What are some of the highlights of the conference, and does
one have to be a student to attend?
Sex Work Matters
features panels on activism, socioeconomic issues,
public policy and violence against sex workers. San Francisco
artist and erotic professional Melissa
Gira and I are moderating a roundtable called “Managing
Roles: Sex Workers, Activists and Academics.” The roundtable
came about when the two of us started stressing about what
hats we were going to wear at the conference, and then realized
that that very difficulty, that feeling that we must choose
allegiances, would be more than worth talking about. Our
session is at 10:45 am on Thursday, March 30th at the New
School, and it's also being webcast, so you'll be able to
watch it within a few days of the conference on the New
School website at http://www.online.newschool.edu/.
Although
you do have to register for the event, it is totally free
and open to the public. You don't “have to” be anything
to attend, just interested in the topic.
As
a sex worker and student, do you feel the debates over sex
worker safety and rights have become too academic? Are the
messages and efforts reaching actual sex workers or are
these debates largely confined to the academic world?
I feel like the interests of sex workers and the interests
of academics don't always match up too well. Although I
am both an academic and a sex worker, my allegiances rest
with sex workers, and even (or especially) being inside
the academe I find myself being on guard against academic
discussions of sex work. I often feel like there is this
assumption in academia that sex workers are not talking
about all the hot topics around sex work, or are not smart
enough to deal with these issues, which is really not true
and anyway—sex workers walk among academics. I don't know
why this is so surprising, because school is expensive and
sex work is flexible and often well paid.
What
have you found, in your travels, work with $pread, and personal
experience, are the most pressing need for sex workers?
Is it organizing/unionization, legalization of prostitution,
public awareness, or some combination of these?
When people talk about the sex worker rights movement, I
kind of shake my head a little—in San Francisco there is
definitely a movement (uh, hello, unionized labor at the
Lusty Lady), but I really don't feel like there is a movement
here in New York. The precursor to building a movement is
creating both public and self awareness. There is so much
stigma attached to sex work— a lot of it is internalized
for sex workers who are ashamed of their work, keep it a
secret, and have no one to share their experiences with.
$pread is really trying to provide a forum for a lot of
this to take place, and I love hearing about other spaces—private
and public—where this is happening.
I
think awareness of health issues and harm reduction techniques
as well as access to good, cheap, non-judgmental health
care is an extremely important and immediate issue for sex
workers. Organizing and decriminalization are also extremely
important, but especially here in New York, I feel like
they are somewhat distant issues. In other parts of the
country and world, these issues get a lot more play and
are taken a lot more seriously.
Can
you tell me more about the Perverts Saloon you're putting
on at Galapagos?
In the beginning of February, Viviane of http://viviane212.blogspot.com
and http://tgp.com organized
a meet up for all the sex bloggers in NYC. It was a really
cool thing, and during the evening we all kind of realized
that it we didn't want it to be a one shoot deal—we started
to brainstorm ways to build community and have fun, and
the idea of the reading was hatched. $pread had
done an event (Sex Workers Fashion Show) as part of the
Galapagos SMUT series, and I met Desiree Burch at the WYSIWYG
Worst. Sex. Ever. reading on Valentine's Day, and then it
just kind of fell into place. The reading, which takes place
on Monday, April 3rd from 7.30 to 10 pm, features ten sex
bloggers reading their dirty stories, as well as the DJ
stylings of biporno electropunk performance artist Houston
Bernard and sexy moving images by NakedGuyNYC.
When
you're doing things that don't involve sex in any way, where
can you be found?
I am a serious workaholic, especially lately, so if I've
not thinking or writing about sex, I'm usually sleeping.
And while I used to be one of those people on the subway
with my nose buried in a book, recently I've been so busy
that when I ride the subway I've become one of those people
who just sits and stares into space. It's kinda awesome.
--
Photos by Logan Grendel/Niesha
Studio
Find
out more about Audacia Ray at her site Waking
Vixen and get the latest on $pread magazine
at www.spreadmagazine.org.
Sex
Worker Visions opens Wednesday, March 29th from
6 p.m. to 9 p.m. at The
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center, 208
West 13th Street, and will be on display through May 20th.
Sex Work Matters
takes place Thursday, March 30th at The New School
(Lang Student Center, 55 West 13th Street) and CUNY Graduate
Center (365 Fifth Avenue). The event is free, but seating
is limited; email sexworkmatters [at] yahoo.com to register.
NYC
Perverts' Saloon takes place April 3rd at 7:30 p.m.
and is part of SMUT at Galapagos
Art Space, 70 N. 6th Street, Wiliamsburg, Brooklyn.
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